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13 Woody Allen Quotations

''I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.''
- Woody Allen


''It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.''
- Woody Allen


''On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.''
- Woody Allen


''There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?''
- Woody Allen


''How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?''
- Woody Allen


''If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.''
- Woody Allen


''If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.''
- Woody Allen


''To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.''
- Woody Allen


''Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.''
- Woody Allen


''Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.''
- Woody Allen


''I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.''
- Woody Allen


''Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.''
- Woody Allen


''Eighty percent of success is showing up.''
- Woody Allen






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